Last Blog

It is 10:00 a.m and I have been given the green light to go home and complete the rest of my rehab outside the hospital. This is the last blog that I will be writing. Thanks to all and I look forward to seeing you all on the outside.

Starting a New Life

For those of you whom have enjoyed my videos and dedications, I am sorry that you will not be able to view them anymore on this blog. I learned another important lesson over these past couple of days. One of those lessons goes as follows: even though you may be in a place in your life where you are looking forward to starting a new life for yourself and you want to show your appreciation for those who have helped you get to that point, everything you do or say always has an effect to your cause. Sometimes you may not understand why people react the way they do. Just remember, there is absolutely no reason you should feel censored because of what people may think or say. This blog is not directed towards anyone specifically. Let me repeat that. THIS BLOG IS NOT DIRECTED TOWARDS ANYONE SPECIFICALLY. With only a couple of days remaining, I am reminiscing over these past seven months and making it my number one priority to never forget the life lessons I have been so fortunate to experience, at 27 years of age. As my fight with cancer hopefully comes to an end, so will the moments we share with each other through this blog. I have gone through every photo album I have in my computer, and assembled a video involving all of those I give thanks too. I will not say anything specific about any of these people, only to give thanks and lifelong appreciation to them. I know that my heart has tremendously grown, but the rest of me has not changed. I am still the same person I have always been, just matured and refined. So don’t misinterpret kindness for vulnerability ; ). I can not wait to start this new chapter in my life, a second opportunity to begin with a clean slate. Look out world, Edwin Edison Enwia is coming to a theater near you!

Sherbet IceCream

If anyone wants to know what to get me for Christmas, buy sherbet. straight up. Orange Sherbet. so good.

Going Crazy

This Picture Just Makes Me Laugh!!


Hey everyone! Ten more days til Christmas! Eight more days til I get out of here, hopefully. This past weekend was amazing. Even though it was hard to say bye to my baby, it was a lot of fun having some close friends stop by and hang out. I have been reading my Biology book these past couple of days. No, not because I desperately needed to read, but because I plan on going back to school next semester. I have had more than enough time to take a mental vacation from school. It has become very apparent to me that I not only have to go back to school, but I have to get back to making education my number one priority. I look forward to being mentally and physically challenged after all of this cancer business is all said and done. For those who want to come visit, my health is still doing pretty well, so don't hesitate to come on by. For those who have colds, we can meet up after I get out. I appreciate all the phone calls and texts everyone has given me these past weeks, they have definitely helped boost my spirits.

Levels are Dropping

Today I had to say goodbye to my baby. Having her here over the past four days has done more for me than she could ever imagine. For all who have come to visit, the same goes for you too. Brian's father and mother, Steve and Debbie, are on their way over to visit right now. Steve has already come up once earlier this week to visit. Just like I tell everyone, he has become a very close friend to me. It is a friendship that I am truly great full for. I was thinking about this journey of mine that I have gone through since July. How I have learned, appreciated, and enjoyed so much about life up to this point. My blood levels are continuing to steadily drop. Soon, it will bottom out. The sooner it does, the sooner they will come back up.

Day 09: Christmas Time

Well, these past couple of days have been a roller coaster. I apologize for not writing. Brittany flew in yesterday morning and has been spending every hour with me. She bought a tree with lights and ornaments! We have been spending the past days watching old movies; from Christmas Vacation, to Say Anything. My stomach feels as if someone put a blender in there and set it to hi. Brittany's parents came by to visit today. They brought fudge :) Today was also the first time my mother met her parents. It was a very nice moment for everyone. I only wish my father was here. Honestly, I am getting tired of missing my father and having him miss all the important things in our lives. That isn't really Christmas talk, so I will continue to pretend it doesn't bother me, for now. I appreciate those whom have made time to come down and visit. I look forward to those I haven't yet. I love you all, talk soon.

Day 5 & 6: Phase One...Complete

This morning was my final round of chemo for my stay here at UCLA. Tomorrow, referred too as, "Day of Rest," will be my first day without chemo, as well as the day before I have my stem cell infusion. Do I know what, or how it will happen? No, but I know it shouldn't last very long, I think. I have ingested quite a number of pills. In the beginning I asked a lot of questions, now I just swallow the pills and smile. I just got done with a good walk with Mark. I knocked on his door, and that's all it took to get him going. Mark has the spirit of a teenager. I respect that about him. He told me how he was kicked out of BYU for attending a party where marijuana was being used. BYU told him, either convert to Mormonism or go elsewhere. Mark ended up playing college football in Oklahoma. For the first time, Mark walked without his mask. I was trying to figure out why he looked so strange to me. After walking for 20 minutes, he realized his mask wasn't on his face. He got a little worried, so we had to go back and get one for him. I know nothing will happen to him, but I know it must of felt nice not to have that thing over his mouth around people. Mark is the kind of guy that would care less about looking good in a gown and a mask. I, on the other hand, could never be placed into one of those things, ever. Other than that, my nurse drew my bath, got to go.

Day 4: Little Feverish

Ok, so I was so bored, I made a "best of" video of my "Less than better" pictures I saw while flipping through old pics.

Day 2 & 3: First Weekend

Yesterday was a so so day. Not much going on with anything here on this floor. I did get great news, they are going to bring me a stationary bike from rehab, only if my levels are doing OK. I Stopped by Mark's hotel door...I mean, hospital door. " Mark! You wanna go walk." "OOOOK Eddie, let me get my shoes." Learned that his brother played baseball. He even played catcher. Also, his high school pitcher, is a present day Cy Young award winner. Saturday is a ghost town in this place. It's the only time I have ever seen more Doctors than patients in the hallways.It's a slow place here, along with the gloomy weather, I'm going to take a nap.

Day 1: Making Friends

Yesterday was a slow going day for me. I started my chemo treatments and was not in the mood for visitors. Mark, in room 6159, told me he was going to swing by, however, with my door being shut, he didn't want to disturb me. Which is fairly ironic, seeing as how I peek my head into his room, telling him to get out of bed and walk with me. Yesterdays highlight consisted of being disconnected from from the machine for five hours. Just being able to walk around and not have to worry about tripping over my tubing did wonders psychologically. Today I woke up at eight to find a new face in my room. Kristin, my day nurse for today, is very receptive and like country music as much as I do. Before starting chemo today at ten, Mark and I went for a nice 30 minute walk around the floor. He told me a little bit about himself, his family, about chewing tobacco when he played baseball, and a little bit about women. The thing I appreciate about Mark is simply the fact that he is an alpha male. He is always in a good mood, and even a little charming with his quick remarks. I will be doing chemo til about 2:00 pm or so.

Day 0: GameDay

Ever seen Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens before a game?? The guy is a machine, a symbol of toughness in the NFL. Decades after his retirement, people won't remember how many sacks or tackles he collected over his hall of fame career. People will however remember him for what he stood for. Video clips of this soldier in the middle of his peers, motivating, strengthening, and preparing for the task at hand. He, however, happens to be a very well-spoken and caring gentleman. It is almost impossible to dislike this warrior of the gridiron. When I got out of surgery yesterday morning, I made it appoint to be a leader on this floor. There are approximately 25 other cancer patients, all of which have tales unlike any other. We all share a common struggle that binds us. I spent about two hours walking the hallways last night, and as I walked and peeked into a room or two, I saw a teenager, Steven, laying in bed while his mom was draping a blanket over him. It was a genuine moment that I won't ever forget. This morning I was walking the floor, looked into Mark's room, a patient 2 doors down, in his late 40's of early 50's and just wanted to say hello. He asked me if I was walking the floor, "yes I am, sir!" I replied. As I said that, he literally pushed aside the nursing student and said, "wait up Eddie." I began to think to myself, we can make each other stronger. Mark and Jackyln, a mother of two, are both diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. Jacklyn absolutely hates to be referred to as "Jacky." I want to remember every moment in this place. This is my life, I am choosing to live it.

A Lot of Changes!!!!!

Bone Marrow Harvest (They asked for 2.0.... I gave them 2.4, in one day. GET SOME!)


OK.... so, Laura Block, my wonderful nurse coordinator at UCLA did me a solid and was able to move my admission date for Dec. 2. Awesome!!!! Not only do I get to go to my friends wedding, I also get to partake in Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas. I am feeling stronger everyday. At least up until the point I start chemo at UCLA. That, I am told will be a "challenge." "Bring it," I told my Hematologist. I have an appointment to see my regular oncologist today. Hopefully he can remove this PICC line, so I can maybe have a little while without it before I get a Central Vein Cath. placed on the second of next month. Guess who is going to strap up his wetsuit and spend a couple days floating about in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Of course I am sure my body will become re-acquainted with the feeling of being tossed around in the white water, but I don't really care. To take a shower and not have to wrap my arm up as if it would rust if water hit it. Anyways, I will keep everyone updated on my progress. Have a Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. My next entry will be on the day I enter UCLA.

What a Day

So, last we talked, I had come in for a fifth chemo session. At ten in the morning, I spoke with my Oncologist regarding what was going on. He told me that next week is a vital week in the treatment. He informed me that I come to the clinic everyday for a daily immune shot. I had already planned to visit a special special someone in San Francisco for a week. Not to mention, the Chicago Bears play a Thursday game against the 49ers. "Ok, this is sucks," I thought to myself. About an hour later, I was informed that my bone marrow transplant was approved by the UCLA cancer board. "Great," I said. Laura, my nurse coordinator, also mentioned that I was to be admitted on the 25th of this month... for three weeks. Now, a lot of you are thinking that its a shame because of Thanksgiving. Although this is a very valid point, I also get to miss what is probably one the most important weddings I will ever attend or be a part of. Brian and Gillian have been my friends for over five years. I met Gillian in 2004. Later meeting Brian, and swiftly approving. Their relationship is a little more important to me because this is the first time I have ever met a couple at the beginning of their journey. Something you don't get to experience very often. And at one of the many life climaxes this couple will experience as a married couple, I will have to miss the first one. The wedding ceremony, the reception party, the sexy brides maids, whom which I have had the pleasure of knowing these past five years, wearing sneakers after the ceremony, laughing at Scott's stupid jokes, dancing like a gangster up in the club with Jeremy, having a Budweiser with Steve, Brian's dad, dancing with Jennifer, Gillian's mom, and seeing the smiles on all the faces of those that have meant so much to me this past half decade. Why did fate chose that I not attend this joyous occasion? I don't know. So that's the day I had.

Round 5??

I Love my Asian Nurses ; )
So, my doctor tells me he wants me to do another round of chemo prior to going to UCLA. The rational being that if enough time has passed, there could be a chance for growth. I hate the fact that it makes sense. I spent the last three days remodeling the inside of my room. My subcontractor, mom, spent a good amount of time helping with the paint trimming and clean up. I am excited to be done with that room, especially in the given amount time that it was completed. Anyways, I will keep all those posted if anything changes.

Moving On

Well, to those that have still turned to this page to see if I have updated my blog, again, I am sorry for neglecting you. Last Saturday was the fourth and last day that I received my chemotherapy. At least according to my doctor. I have been very fortunate up to this point in both my life and treatments. My praises to the nurses at Long Beach Memorial, from the ER to the Oncology Department. The thing that I appreciated most was how the nurses never really treated me like a patient. From allowing me to wear street cloths in the hospital because I hated wearing gowns, to eating lunch in the staff room with the others, talking like I was one of them. All of these little things compounded into helping me adapt to what I have been facing. The next phase of the treatment involves UCLA. I am still awaiting a phone call from Laura, my nurse coordinator. Thank you for all the support and stuff ; ). Your welcome Gillian!!!! Thank you for reminding me that there are people out there still reading this page.

Round Three

I apologize for being absent over the past week or so. As many as you know, I went back up to San Francisco to get away for a little while. I had a wonderful time in Northern California. The weather was absolutely perfect. I could not have asked for anything more. During my stay, my grandmother, Nanajan Enwia passed away. She had spent 102 years on this earth, 99 according to an unofficial birth certificate. She was my second mother. Her funeral is scheduled for tomorrow. I will have the honor of reading a letter my father wrote from Iraq. Unfortunately, he will not be able to attend, however, through myself, as well as others, he will. I am gearing up to leave Long Beach Memorial after my third round of treatment. I don't want to speak to soon, but I am feeling stronger and stronger everyday. Aside from the usual side effects from the chemicals, I find myself not only becoming physically stronger, but mentally as well. I sat down with a student earlier today. She is getting her masters in social work. Part of her field time is to interview patients and develop a solid foundation for her future in the field. It was the first time in a couple of months that I had the opportunity to sit down with a third party member and discuss my journey without fear of judgment or bias. We discussed how it feels to enter into this type of challenge, how I feel about my upcoming bone marrow treatment, and in general, how I believe I can grow from this experience. Even though it was an educational experience for her, I found it to be therapeutic on my behalf. Listening to the words that were spilling from my mouth, I could tell that something had changed within me. We all have challenges in life, regardless the severity, the challenge isn't worth the journey unless you grow from it.

I'm HELLA Excited to go!

It is 5:37 p.m. "Definitely, Maybe" is on. I have a bag of kettle popcorn in front of me. I just finished reading Mariam's 219 page blog. BRILLIANT! Anyways, these past days have been a little tough for me. I am not one to throw a pity party, bite your tongues! Mt stomach continues to haunt me on occasion. The nausea, I can do without. However, there has been this dark emotional cloud hanging over my head. This week has definitely made me think about a lot of avenues in my life. Which streets can I travel through, where do I want to go, how do I want to get there. All metaphors of course. I don't really want actual roads, although...it would be cool to name each road after a member of Reservoir Dogs. If you don't have any idea about the names, refer to your Google search engine (advertisement clause). I am going to San Francisco tomorrow morning after my friendly visit to the Oncologist's office for blood work. GO LEUKOCYTES! Funny thing about this, it's that the day I return from San Francisco I go straight to Long Beach Memorial to start round three. Thanks for the continued support for those who have given it through this quote, unquote "Shitty Days" time in my life.

Going Home (Again)

I have successfully completed round two of four. I am feeling pretty well at this point compared to the first round I received. I have yet to vomit any new colors this morning. Although I am looking forward to going home, I am not looking forward to the fact that it is currently 95 degrees outside, and that the lawn may need to be mowed. Other than my mindless thinking, I know I am fortunate to be getting out this early. I look forward to seeing my old family in San Francisco. I'm sure it will be filled with a lot of mixed emotions, but I am happy to do it regardless.

NFL Network Rocks!

This has been my third day here in the hospital. I have endured ups and downs dissimilar to what I experienced the first time around. This morning my stomach decided to disagree with the treatment regimen. I did not know that the human body could produce colors that would complete the full spectrum of light. I only got to yellow and green, but I think with hard work I can vomit blue or maybe violet. Anyways, after talking with my Dr. it appears I may be able to go home tonight or tomorrow morning. I again want to than all of you who have continued to follow me on this unorthodox journey heading towards the end of the year. I will catch up with you soon.

I'm Back

Well, I apologize for the absence. I have begun my second round of chemo today. Day 1 of 3. I was admitted at 12 in the afternoon. It has been a great couple of weeks. My buddy's river trip was just what I needed to take my mind off of everything that has been going on. Although I have to admit that the question of the weekend was, " Hey...what's that on your arm?" I enjoyed the expression on people's faces when I told them that I had cancer. Of course, I followed it up with " it's okay, don't feel bad, here... have a beer ; )" I am just finishing up my treatment for the day. Feeling okay at the moment. I am watching Jay Leno's new show. Still the same hit or miss comedy he has always brought to the table. Anyways, this past week has been great. Spent time with the ones I care about. I look forward to spending time with more good people when I go up to San Francisco next week.

Goin' To The River!

It has been about a week since I left the hospital for my first round of chemo. I'm feeling pretty well. The first week was absolutely painstaking. I had never felt fatigue until I received that liquid poison. One of my best friends is celebrating his bachelor party in Lake Havasu this weekend. Given my condition I was on the fence about whether I should attend or not. Then I got to thinking... I had missed the last two years the gang had gone out there for the summer. I personally owed it to them and tradition to go. I know what some of you are thinking. " Edwin, you are going to drink and be in the sun all day." Probably, yes. I'm only kidding. I will not be drinking this weekend for those of you who are worried (thank you for caring). I will see you all when I get back.

Goodbye Baba

Today I said goodbye to my hero. My father went back to Iraq to serve our country. These past few weeks have been filled with everlasting memories. From starting my chemotherapy to sitting down with my dad and seeing his face again, every second has been unforgettable. You know that little knot in your throat you get when you begin to feel sad? Today has been filled with those emotions. What are you gonna do? Continue living your life and pushing yourself, I guess. Seeing my father again has been a gift to me and my entire family. His smile, his opinions, and his appearance has been a blessing to us all. More than ever I am proud of what he is and what he stands for. I will miss you baba, we will miss you. Come home safely. Love you.

Going Home

For those who have been following my page, I am sorry for neglecting you. These past two days have been filled with "ups" and "downs." On day three of my chemo, my body began to respond to the chemicals that I was given. Night sweats, chills, and fatigue were the main side effects this time around. Of course, I look forward to going home. Especially, since I will get to see my father before he leaves back to Iraq. I am disappointed in the fact that I had to spend some of my time with dad in the hospital. I'm going to miss dad more this time around. Sacrifices will have to be made. I'm going to miss our backgammon matches. I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss baba.

Day Two (24-Hrs. of Chemo)

Another sleepless night left me with a day mostly filled with hourly cat naps. My chemo started at 11:00 a.m, has, and will continue until 11:00 a.m tomorrow morning. My dad and sister came by to bring me dinner compliments of Elizabeth Enwia. Jennifer stopped by in the morning and brought me Jamba juice (Mango Madness) and talked about I Love Lucy, Darkwing Duck and Tale Spin. It is not approx. 10:55 p.m. I just finished watching Just Friends and have now put on... oh yes, Twilight. Apparently a side effect of this chemo is watching teenage love movies (thanks boo!) . Overall health report: Dry mouth and a little bit of nausea. My room is a revolving door, please don't hesitate to stop by and see me. All I have for tonight.

Day One: Etopiside (Med #1)

The Family



Nurse Young Taking My Vitals

Here I am. Day one of who knows how many days I will be here. Nurse Young has started me on my first medication, Etopiside. Aside from the medical mumbo jumbo, this medication is a vital part of destroying my little friend sitting in the middle of my chest. I look forward to the possible nausea and vomiting that I may experience while taking this drug. My family is over right now. We are watching how bears travel miles and miles to streams where salmon come to reproduce. My father and I enjoyed another game of backgammon. With utter modesty I beat my father six games to one. After every match we share a hand shake and the loser usually mutters something that is not appropriate to write in this blog. It is 9:15 p.m. I, of course, am not at all tired, and expect to have another sleepless night. My body has become very used to this ritual. Tomorrow is another day filled with new medications that will be introduced to my body. An event that I sarcastically will look forward too.

Vacation Time Is Over...

"Baby" Alex's 8Th Birthday!




Celebrating Dad's Return


Well, I knew tomorrow would eventually come. In theory, I am happy that I will finally begin my chemo. Aside from all the pain I have been in since leaving the hospital, I got a chance to see most of my loved ones, even see an old friend who traveled from San Francisco. From my dad's surprise dinner party, to drinking mimosas with the Perez family at Schooner or Later, it would be safe to say that I did exactly what I hoped to do before being readmitted into the hospital. The next week will certainly put my soul to the test. From the emotional strain of knowing how you are going to feel, to the spiritual journey that I go through, asking questions and trying to find answers. My motivation this week will be Brian's bachelor party. I hope to be in good health before September 10Th, because for three days...I will be a normal guy. Of course, I will be a little self conscious about my physique. Not only have all the procedures left my torso looking like Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas, I have also taken a lot off the gym rat life. I know its the least of my concerns, but for those who know me, know how important all that is to me. I look forward to this week. I also look forward to sharing my experiences throughout the week. It feels good to see that I have a growing number of readers. Not just because it makes me feel good, but keeps my ambitions high. Driving me to continue writing blogs.

The Weekend Come!

5:34 a.m. Again, I can not sleep. These past couple of days have been a nice change of pace for me. One of my very best buds came down from San Francisco to visit. I have two more days remaining before my sentence back to Long Beach Memorial. The weather in Long Beach has been detrimental, to say the least. High's in the 90's followed with humid and windless activities. The weather is the ONLY reason why I look forward to moving back into my 65 degree hospital room. It's been nice to catch up with the majority of my friends while I have been out for the past couple days. I look forward to seeing my cousin Becky, who, has her "plate full" as it is already. My cousin Paula just celebrated her fifth year anniversary. She was kind enough to stop by and see her baby cousin too. Again, I cant explain how fortunate I am to have the type of supporting cast that I do. My sleep patterns have been very similar to tonight's episode. I never know what I am going to get. Either a night of pleasant rest, or a restless tossing and turning. Tonight proved to be plan B.

Home Sweet Home

It is 10:37 p.m. I am sitting in from of my computer in MY room. and will soon lay my head down to rest in the comfort of my 300 stitch bed sheets. The pain has loosely subsided. Coughing, sneezing, sniffling, or reaching behind my back with my right arm is still a virtual impossibility. Nevertheless, I am home. I will spend the next glorious days here until my descent back into the cold freezer known more commonly as... Long Beach Memorial. I don't have any specific plans for the next four days. I know a lot of time will be spent with my father. The gym, unfortunately, will have to be off limits. I will focus on getting physically stronger and mentally preparing for the interesting week that lies ahead of all of us. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to lay down and smell my sheets.

Going Home for the Weekend

REMOVAL OF THE CHEST TUBE


It is 2:40 p.m. I just received a phone call from my Oncologist telling me that the biopsy was a success and that they have diagnosed the cancer as Non Hodgkin Disease. I just took another loading dose of Morphine for the road. As soon as my Thoracic surgeon gives me the "OK" to go home, I will be able to recover in the sanctity of my own dwelling. On Monday, I will be readmitted to start my three day long chemo regimen. After the three days, I will stay a couple more days to be evaluated to see how my body responds to the treatments. Hopefully all goes well, I look forward to the challenge. Besides, I already missed one of my best friend's engagement parties, I refuse to miss the bachelor party at Havasu in September.

Family

There were times as a child that I complained about my parents, either because they didn't buy me the latest and greatest shoes, or because I didn't get the toys I asked Santa for. At 27 years old, I have come to appreciate the greatest gift I have and will ever be given, my family. My father, mother, and sister have become the foundation in which I have built all of life's achievements. It is with great honor that I dedicate this blog entry to those who have molded me into the man I have become. Today, my family came to visit me. My father brought the family backgammon table that has been passed down from 3 generations. My father and I spent an hour rolling the dice playing our family's past time board game while catching up on topics that we hadn't gotten to since his return. Today was just a good day. My cousin Paula is over right now, hanging out with her baby cousin.

Speedy Recovery

Another night of absolutely no sleep. Not because I was running a high temperature (which I was) but because I was in such pain. Every 2 hours Kathy, my night nurse, would come in and load me up 6 mg of morphine. I could not sleep on by back because it was too painful. So I ended up having brief spells of sleep while sitting upright on my bed all night. I would rifle through websites, then all of a sudden I would find myself waking up from some sort of slumber. Very weird night. I am still taking the Morphine, but the pain has subsided quite a bit. Feeling Pretty good about myself today. Like Ice Cube said " Today was a good day..." I don't know where that came from. Sorry

Oh Yah

I have been keeping track of the polling that has been going on... What the Hell Man! Was it THAT awful? That hurt

Surgical Biopsy

10:00 pm. The halls are quiet, lights are off in the patient bedrooms, and the nurses finally get a chance to catch their breaths.I am sitting in my room writing this blog with the lights turned off, television powered down, and the curtains opened wide, allowing me to see the beautiful horizon outside of my room. It would be perfect for the exception that there isn't a beautiful woman fanning me with giant palm leaves and feeding me grapes. Oh, and the fact that I have earned yet another scar to show my grandchildren someday. I had my final biopsy today around 2:00 p.m. When I think about surgery, the first thought that comes to mind is " I wonder what sedative they are going give me??" Sick, I know. Seeing the anesthesiologist push 2.5 mg of Versed, knowing that in a minute or two I will be placed into a nice deep sleep just comforts me. Anyways, so I have another scar located about one inch below and to the right of my first scar. The pain is slowly getting worse as the sedative wears off. I am having chest pain at the surgical site, however, the real pain shoots directly to my back, just below my right scapula. For all you medical geniuses, we call this "referred pain".... yay! 30 mg of Toradol and 6 mg of Morphine later, I have yet to feel the slightest bit of relief. I tried watching an old comedy but had to stop because the laughter only exacerbated pain. So, I started watching George Lopez.If anyone could try harder to not make me laugh, it would be him. God he sucks.Although, as embarrassing as this is to share with you wonderful people, I have to come clean... I watched Twilight today. I have been trying to find my testicles ever since.

Sundays are Calm Days

COME ON CUBS!!!

It is 2:00 p.m and I am watching the Cubs play the Dodgers. This game has a bit more meaning than the others. Not only are the Cubs trying to avoid getting swept, but my family is there at Dodger Stadium. Sitting next to my family is a couple sitting in the seats that were supposed to be for me and whoever I decided to invite to the game. I know my family wishes I were there, cheering and cursing. Instead I am still here in the hospital watching the game on my computer. I know that they are still having a good time. I would not want anything different. I spoke with my Thoracic Surgeon, who has scheduled my biopsy for tomorrow at 2:00 p.m. I am not at all worried about this procedure. I just hope that they can diagnose the cancer so I can start the treatments. In fact, I have never looked so forward towards getting chemotherapy. Sundays are even more slow-going than Saturdays. I have not eaten anything all day. I didn't sleep very well last night. After a wonderful nights rest two nights ago, last night was filled with chills and copious amounts of sweat.

Under Your Tongue.

Nurse Allysa Taken Some Vitals

Saturdays are Fun Days

Nurse Tiffany



Saturdays in the hospital are very much felt as Saturdays at felt at home when you were a kid. Billing is closed. Human Resources does not operate. The "bosses" generally work Monday through Friday 8-5 p.m. Its just the nurses, cleaning staff, Physicians, cafeteria, and finally the patients. There is a sense of ease and comfort shared by all people. It simply feels euphoric. Tiffany was one of my Nurses the last time I was here. Come to find out, Tiffany's husband is of black heritage. Which made perfect sense, explaining why her rings tones consisted of Tupac and Bone Thugs and Harmony. Every nurse on the floor has an "X" factor about them that make them who they are. They genuinely care for their patients. I see what they do in the other rooms when I am walking down the hallway. There were no changes in the medical update today. Still waiting for the biopsy.

Cubs Can't Catch a Break

ME AND MY NIGHT NURSE: KATHY


Well, it is 10 p.m. I have just witnessed the Cubs second consecutive loss versus the Dodgers. Are we just doomed?? Do we take pride in the fact that we have a reputation of being unsuccessful? Sure everyone loves them, but it seems that none of the players need a cup to protect their absent balls. No one hates the Cubs because teams are not threatened by them. Anyways, the day went without any moments of major steps. Spending 25 minutes at 6:00 a.m going downstairs to get a coffee and newspaper. sleeping pattern is still non existent and have turned to alternative methods to solve my problem. Medical marijuana. My case worker and I spent time introducing ourselves to the issue. Two weeks ago, my beautiful and caring ex-girlfriend brought me a sample of this so-called "Medical Hash." I have taken it a small amount of times, and every time I have an appetite and I have the ability to get a good nights rest. I hope there is still a chance I could buy more from her supplier in the future.

Day Three: Sitting Politely

It I 3:20 pm, I am watching old Eddie Murphy stand-ups. I am laughing a bit more hysterically due to the fact that I smoked a little marijuana prior to lunch. It is the only way for me to eat without wanting to throw up. I have not had hunger for weeks. Each day is a conscious attempt to nurture my body with food. When my friend told me that they were stopping by, I asked if they could get me some Carl's Jr. That gave me 30 minutes to smoke and get hungry. I worked very well. My mother knows that I have done it again. I am not ashamed of it because of the sole purpose of doing it. I am waiting for a biopsy to be done. I was told that maybe there was a chance I have one today. I don't think that will be the case. I don't think that anyone really reads this thing for the exception of a couple of people. This has been therapeutic for me up til now. I am tired today, not feeling very social.

Late On the Sixth Floor

It is 4:37 a.m and can no longer fall asleep. It gets very tedious trying to turn over while my right arm is connected to a long I.V line. A ritual that I have come to get used to. The nursing staff is enjoying the quiet sound of patients sleeping. I walked down the isles, making my way to the coffee maker. There is a pot on, however, the hotplate has been turned off. I make a fresh batch for myself and some of the nurses. They appreciate the fact that I am a very independent patient, asking for very little from their services. The night staff has a habit of always bringing bags of assorted snacks to fuel them through the night. The type of snacks that one could only find in Little Cambodia or the "ethnic isle" at Stater Bros. I make my cup of coffee and retreat back to solitary confinement. Robot Chicken is on Adult Swim. It is amazing how much I have become dependent on the little 17" television that hangs on the wall opposite of my bed. The nurses will soon be giving reports to oncoming nurses around 7:00 a.m. " I wonder which nurse will take over the duties of caring for me?" One of many little brief highlights of my day.

Two of My Nurses

After waiting almost 9 hours in the E.R, I was gracefully taken up to the sixth floor oncology department where I was happily welcomed by two of the many nurses I have come to love. They bring me pad thai ; )

A Little Insight To My Past

As I sit here in the emergency waiting room at Long Beach Memorial I can't help but think about what possible illnesses the others have around me. This is my second visit to the emergency room, curtousy of my Oncologist request to "speed things up." I am not a blogger, I have never done any blogging, facebooking, or twittering. I know that what I may write may contain many grammatical errors. All tat I have to say to that is " shame on you, I didn't force you to read this elementary school paper." Anyways, About a year ago I began feeling a bit "off." I felt a bit more fatigued when doing my day to day activities. I did not take the situation too seriously, chalking it up to my heavy academic and professional workloads. It was not until I was forced to see an old family physician in La Palma that I was confronted with the concept that this cancer that I had shaken off 5 years ago made its way back into my body.
My first overnight stay was at Long Beach Memorial on June 27, 2009. My family Doctor recommend I go to the E.R and be admitted for the complaints I was having. Two weeks and four days later I was released. During my stay, I endured a spectrum of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional ups and downs. CT scans, X-Rays, IV lines, Steroids, and hospital food is what I dealt with. There were some days that were actually pretty entertaining. One morning, at around 8:00 am, I had a procedure done in my room involving the placement of a PICC (peripherally inserted central cathador). Once that was completed, the bone marrow biopsy circus came in. When asked to describe the type of pain I felt when I had a giant drill placed into my pelvis, drill through my bone, and tear out pieces of bone for lab work, I just say it feels like someone had taken a giant drill, placed it into my pelvis, then proceeded drilling through my bone, and tore out a peice of my bone. An hour after the mideival torture technique was completed, I was told that the PICC line placed in my right arm was not properly set. So again I had to sit there watching as People would cut into my flesh and send a wire through the inner part of my bicep and guide it back to my heart. Anyways, thats all minor league stuff. I had a 3:00 pm masterbation session setup because my Oncologist recommened I freeze my sperm because the chemo may sterilize me. As I returned back to my room to complete the mission, I was delightfully welcomed with cheers and "go get 'em" from the nursing staff. One even asked if I needed a hand. Once the task was complete, I put the little guys in a chilled package and sent them on their marry little ways.
Now, I have already done one biopsy to remove tissue for testing, with the results reading "inconclusive." The second biopsy was a bit more invasive. I four inch laceration just above the carina (look it up), a tiny camera at the end of a wire was all that was needed for this next biopsy. Result: inconclusive! Horse Shit! After talking with my thoracic surgeon, he explained to me the next type of biopsy I will get to endure. Again, I am back here in the E.R, not because I am despiratley ill, my Oncologist wants me to have the biopsy done NOW! I know that as I sit here in triage, my loved ones pray for my well-being. You guys have definatley made this trip a much easier one than it could have been. I will leave it at that. I will let you wonderful people know what happens next.