Day One: Etopiside (Med #1)

The Family



Nurse Young Taking My Vitals

Here I am. Day one of who knows how many days I will be here. Nurse Young has started me on my first medication, Etopiside. Aside from the medical mumbo jumbo, this medication is a vital part of destroying my little friend sitting in the middle of my chest. I look forward to the possible nausea and vomiting that I may experience while taking this drug. My family is over right now. We are watching how bears travel miles and miles to streams where salmon come to reproduce. My father and I enjoyed another game of backgammon. With utter modesty I beat my father six games to one. After every match we share a hand shake and the loser usually mutters something that is not appropriate to write in this blog. It is 9:15 p.m. I, of course, am not at all tired, and expect to have another sleepless night. My body has become very used to this ritual. Tomorrow is another day filled with new medications that will be introduced to my body. An event that I sarcastically will look forward too.

Vacation Time Is Over...

"Baby" Alex's 8Th Birthday!




Celebrating Dad's Return


Well, I knew tomorrow would eventually come. In theory, I am happy that I will finally begin my chemo. Aside from all the pain I have been in since leaving the hospital, I got a chance to see most of my loved ones, even see an old friend who traveled from San Francisco. From my dad's surprise dinner party, to drinking mimosas with the Perez family at Schooner or Later, it would be safe to say that I did exactly what I hoped to do before being readmitted into the hospital. The next week will certainly put my soul to the test. From the emotional strain of knowing how you are going to feel, to the spiritual journey that I go through, asking questions and trying to find answers. My motivation this week will be Brian's bachelor party. I hope to be in good health before September 10Th, because for three days...I will be a normal guy. Of course, I will be a little self conscious about my physique. Not only have all the procedures left my torso looking like Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas, I have also taken a lot off the gym rat life. I know its the least of my concerns, but for those who know me, know how important all that is to me. I look forward to this week. I also look forward to sharing my experiences throughout the week. It feels good to see that I have a growing number of readers. Not just because it makes me feel good, but keeps my ambitions high. Driving me to continue writing blogs.

The Weekend Come!

5:34 a.m. Again, I can not sleep. These past couple of days have been a nice change of pace for me. One of my very best buds came down from San Francisco to visit. I have two more days remaining before my sentence back to Long Beach Memorial. The weather in Long Beach has been detrimental, to say the least. High's in the 90's followed with humid and windless activities. The weather is the ONLY reason why I look forward to moving back into my 65 degree hospital room. It's been nice to catch up with the majority of my friends while I have been out for the past couple days. I look forward to seeing my cousin Becky, who, has her "plate full" as it is already. My cousin Paula just celebrated her fifth year anniversary. She was kind enough to stop by and see her baby cousin too. Again, I cant explain how fortunate I am to have the type of supporting cast that I do. My sleep patterns have been very similar to tonight's episode. I never know what I am going to get. Either a night of pleasant rest, or a restless tossing and turning. Tonight proved to be plan B.

Home Sweet Home

It is 10:37 p.m. I am sitting in from of my computer in MY room. and will soon lay my head down to rest in the comfort of my 300 stitch bed sheets. The pain has loosely subsided. Coughing, sneezing, sniffling, or reaching behind my back with my right arm is still a virtual impossibility. Nevertheless, I am home. I will spend the next glorious days here until my descent back into the cold freezer known more commonly as... Long Beach Memorial. I don't have any specific plans for the next four days. I know a lot of time will be spent with my father. The gym, unfortunately, will have to be off limits. I will focus on getting physically stronger and mentally preparing for the interesting week that lies ahead of all of us. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to lay down and smell my sheets.

Going Home for the Weekend

REMOVAL OF THE CHEST TUBE


It is 2:40 p.m. I just received a phone call from my Oncologist telling me that the biopsy was a success and that they have diagnosed the cancer as Non Hodgkin Disease. I just took another loading dose of Morphine for the road. As soon as my Thoracic surgeon gives me the "OK" to go home, I will be able to recover in the sanctity of my own dwelling. On Monday, I will be readmitted to start my three day long chemo regimen. After the three days, I will stay a couple more days to be evaluated to see how my body responds to the treatments. Hopefully all goes well, I look forward to the challenge. Besides, I already missed one of my best friend's engagement parties, I refuse to miss the bachelor party at Havasu in September.

Family

There were times as a child that I complained about my parents, either because they didn't buy me the latest and greatest shoes, or because I didn't get the toys I asked Santa for. At 27 years old, I have come to appreciate the greatest gift I have and will ever be given, my family. My father, mother, and sister have become the foundation in which I have built all of life's achievements. It is with great honor that I dedicate this blog entry to those who have molded me into the man I have become. Today, my family came to visit me. My father brought the family backgammon table that has been passed down from 3 generations. My father and I spent an hour rolling the dice playing our family's past time board game while catching up on topics that we hadn't gotten to since his return. Today was just a good day. My cousin Paula is over right now, hanging out with her baby cousin.

Speedy Recovery

Another night of absolutely no sleep. Not because I was running a high temperature (which I was) but because I was in such pain. Every 2 hours Kathy, my night nurse, would come in and load me up 6 mg of morphine. I could not sleep on by back because it was too painful. So I ended up having brief spells of sleep while sitting upright on my bed all night. I would rifle through websites, then all of a sudden I would find myself waking up from some sort of slumber. Very weird night. I am still taking the Morphine, but the pain has subsided quite a bit. Feeling Pretty good about myself today. Like Ice Cube said " Today was a good day..." I don't know where that came from. Sorry

Oh Yah

I have been keeping track of the polling that has been going on... What the Hell Man! Was it THAT awful? That hurt

Surgical Biopsy

10:00 pm. The halls are quiet, lights are off in the patient bedrooms, and the nurses finally get a chance to catch their breaths.I am sitting in my room writing this blog with the lights turned off, television powered down, and the curtains opened wide, allowing me to see the beautiful horizon outside of my room. It would be perfect for the exception that there isn't a beautiful woman fanning me with giant palm leaves and feeding me grapes. Oh, and the fact that I have earned yet another scar to show my grandchildren someday. I had my final biopsy today around 2:00 p.m. When I think about surgery, the first thought that comes to mind is " I wonder what sedative they are going give me??" Sick, I know. Seeing the anesthesiologist push 2.5 mg of Versed, knowing that in a minute or two I will be placed into a nice deep sleep just comforts me. Anyways, so I have another scar located about one inch below and to the right of my first scar. The pain is slowly getting worse as the sedative wears off. I am having chest pain at the surgical site, however, the real pain shoots directly to my back, just below my right scapula. For all you medical geniuses, we call this "referred pain".... yay! 30 mg of Toradol and 6 mg of Morphine later, I have yet to feel the slightest bit of relief. I tried watching an old comedy but had to stop because the laughter only exacerbated pain. So, I started watching George Lopez.If anyone could try harder to not make me laugh, it would be him. God he sucks.Although, as embarrassing as this is to share with you wonderful people, I have to come clean... I watched Twilight today. I have been trying to find my testicles ever since.

Sundays are Calm Days

COME ON CUBS!!!

It is 2:00 p.m and I am watching the Cubs play the Dodgers. This game has a bit more meaning than the others. Not only are the Cubs trying to avoid getting swept, but my family is there at Dodger Stadium. Sitting next to my family is a couple sitting in the seats that were supposed to be for me and whoever I decided to invite to the game. I know my family wishes I were there, cheering and cursing. Instead I am still here in the hospital watching the game on my computer. I know that they are still having a good time. I would not want anything different. I spoke with my Thoracic Surgeon, who has scheduled my biopsy for tomorrow at 2:00 p.m. I am not at all worried about this procedure. I just hope that they can diagnose the cancer so I can start the treatments. In fact, I have never looked so forward towards getting chemotherapy. Sundays are even more slow-going than Saturdays. I have not eaten anything all day. I didn't sleep very well last night. After a wonderful nights rest two nights ago, last night was filled with chills and copious amounts of sweat.

Under Your Tongue.

Nurse Allysa Taken Some Vitals

Saturdays are Fun Days

Nurse Tiffany



Saturdays in the hospital are very much felt as Saturdays at felt at home when you were a kid. Billing is closed. Human Resources does not operate. The "bosses" generally work Monday through Friday 8-5 p.m. Its just the nurses, cleaning staff, Physicians, cafeteria, and finally the patients. There is a sense of ease and comfort shared by all people. It simply feels euphoric. Tiffany was one of my Nurses the last time I was here. Come to find out, Tiffany's husband is of black heritage. Which made perfect sense, explaining why her rings tones consisted of Tupac and Bone Thugs and Harmony. Every nurse on the floor has an "X" factor about them that make them who they are. They genuinely care for their patients. I see what they do in the other rooms when I am walking down the hallway. There were no changes in the medical update today. Still waiting for the biopsy.

Cubs Can't Catch a Break

ME AND MY NIGHT NURSE: KATHY


Well, it is 10 p.m. I have just witnessed the Cubs second consecutive loss versus the Dodgers. Are we just doomed?? Do we take pride in the fact that we have a reputation of being unsuccessful? Sure everyone loves them, but it seems that none of the players need a cup to protect their absent balls. No one hates the Cubs because teams are not threatened by them. Anyways, the day went without any moments of major steps. Spending 25 minutes at 6:00 a.m going downstairs to get a coffee and newspaper. sleeping pattern is still non existent and have turned to alternative methods to solve my problem. Medical marijuana. My case worker and I spent time introducing ourselves to the issue. Two weeks ago, my beautiful and caring ex-girlfriend brought me a sample of this so-called "Medical Hash." I have taken it a small amount of times, and every time I have an appetite and I have the ability to get a good nights rest. I hope there is still a chance I could buy more from her supplier in the future.

Day Three: Sitting Politely

It I 3:20 pm, I am watching old Eddie Murphy stand-ups. I am laughing a bit more hysterically due to the fact that I smoked a little marijuana prior to lunch. It is the only way for me to eat without wanting to throw up. I have not had hunger for weeks. Each day is a conscious attempt to nurture my body with food. When my friend told me that they were stopping by, I asked if they could get me some Carl's Jr. That gave me 30 minutes to smoke and get hungry. I worked very well. My mother knows that I have done it again. I am not ashamed of it because of the sole purpose of doing it. I am waiting for a biopsy to be done. I was told that maybe there was a chance I have one today. I don't think that will be the case. I don't think that anyone really reads this thing for the exception of a couple of people. This has been therapeutic for me up til now. I am tired today, not feeling very social.

Late On the Sixth Floor

It is 4:37 a.m and can no longer fall asleep. It gets very tedious trying to turn over while my right arm is connected to a long I.V line. A ritual that I have come to get used to. The nursing staff is enjoying the quiet sound of patients sleeping. I walked down the isles, making my way to the coffee maker. There is a pot on, however, the hotplate has been turned off. I make a fresh batch for myself and some of the nurses. They appreciate the fact that I am a very independent patient, asking for very little from their services. The night staff has a habit of always bringing bags of assorted snacks to fuel them through the night. The type of snacks that one could only find in Little Cambodia or the "ethnic isle" at Stater Bros. I make my cup of coffee and retreat back to solitary confinement. Robot Chicken is on Adult Swim. It is amazing how much I have become dependent on the little 17" television that hangs on the wall opposite of my bed. The nurses will soon be giving reports to oncoming nurses around 7:00 a.m. " I wonder which nurse will take over the duties of caring for me?" One of many little brief highlights of my day.

Two of My Nurses

After waiting almost 9 hours in the E.R, I was gracefully taken up to the sixth floor oncology department where I was happily welcomed by two of the many nurses I have come to love. They bring me pad thai ; )

A Little Insight To My Past

As I sit here in the emergency waiting room at Long Beach Memorial I can't help but think about what possible illnesses the others have around me. This is my second visit to the emergency room, curtousy of my Oncologist request to "speed things up." I am not a blogger, I have never done any blogging, facebooking, or twittering. I know that what I may write may contain many grammatical errors. All tat I have to say to that is " shame on you, I didn't force you to read this elementary school paper." Anyways, About a year ago I began feeling a bit "off." I felt a bit more fatigued when doing my day to day activities. I did not take the situation too seriously, chalking it up to my heavy academic and professional workloads. It was not until I was forced to see an old family physician in La Palma that I was confronted with the concept that this cancer that I had shaken off 5 years ago made its way back into my body.
My first overnight stay was at Long Beach Memorial on June 27, 2009. My family Doctor recommend I go to the E.R and be admitted for the complaints I was having. Two weeks and four days later I was released. During my stay, I endured a spectrum of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional ups and downs. CT scans, X-Rays, IV lines, Steroids, and hospital food is what I dealt with. There were some days that were actually pretty entertaining. One morning, at around 8:00 am, I had a procedure done in my room involving the placement of a PICC (peripherally inserted central cathador). Once that was completed, the bone marrow biopsy circus came in. When asked to describe the type of pain I felt when I had a giant drill placed into my pelvis, drill through my bone, and tear out pieces of bone for lab work, I just say it feels like someone had taken a giant drill, placed it into my pelvis, then proceeded drilling through my bone, and tore out a peice of my bone. An hour after the mideival torture technique was completed, I was told that the PICC line placed in my right arm was not properly set. So again I had to sit there watching as People would cut into my flesh and send a wire through the inner part of my bicep and guide it back to my heart. Anyways, thats all minor league stuff. I had a 3:00 pm masterbation session setup because my Oncologist recommened I freeze my sperm because the chemo may sterilize me. As I returned back to my room to complete the mission, I was delightfully welcomed with cheers and "go get 'em" from the nursing staff. One even asked if I needed a hand. Once the task was complete, I put the little guys in a chilled package and sent them on their marry little ways.
Now, I have already done one biopsy to remove tissue for testing, with the results reading "inconclusive." The second biopsy was a bit more invasive. I four inch laceration just above the carina (look it up), a tiny camera at the end of a wire was all that was needed for this next biopsy. Result: inconclusive! Horse Shit! After talking with my thoracic surgeon, he explained to me the next type of biopsy I will get to endure. Again, I am back here in the E.R, not because I am despiratley ill, my Oncologist wants me to have the biopsy done NOW! I know that as I sit here in triage, my loved ones pray for my well-being. You guys have definatley made this trip a much easier one than it could have been. I will leave it at that. I will let you wonderful people know what happens next.